Wednesday 27th May

How are you all doing? How’s the lockdown life? Still hanging in there, I hope. This week I have a week off work so thought I would take this opportunity of peace (very rare) to have a chat with you all. In all honesty there isn’t much to tell you. I think everyone share the same stories now. Wake up, eat, wander aimlesslyaround the house for a few hours, eat, watch TV, eat…. you get the picture.

Bad habits

In our house a whole load of binge and boredom eating has been occurring. I mean a lot. I think since lock down has started I have gained over a stone. Really bad I know. I’m not good with change. Never have been, accommodating life to this new way of living hasn’t been easy. I’m used to going out seeing friends, my family, school runs, exercise, walking the dog, and just walking around the shops. At heart even though I am so antisocial I love the outdoors. Lockdown is hard. Mentally its been hard. In this circumstance it easy to get in a rut and not want to leave the house or bed. You get comfortable at home, in PJs all day (who needs to get dressed when you’re not going to see anyone) you don’t feel in a hurry to do anything.

Normally my planner is full. A mixture of work, blog, social occasions, to do lists for this that and the other, and university. Now, with lockdown, it’s just to do lists and blog stuff. My very busy life has ebbed away. So, to fill the void and the feelings of chaos that seemed to be edging its way in, I have been participating in that old classic habit of comfort eating.

Last week, the line was drawn. Cannot do it anymore, all hard work that was met last year has now gone. Those Slimming world awards on the wall mean nothing. Straight back to square one. Utter despair.

Must do this!

I am mad at myself for letting this happen, I am mad that I don’t see the slimmer more confident person staring back at me that I was less than 10 months ago. Sure, In the last 10 months a lot has happened in my life taking a huge toll on my mental health but that shouldn’t be an excuse to gorge myself stupid.  

Taking small steps, I’ve eased myself into a new routine of getting up, getting myself ready and going for a social distancing walk with Raven. I am meal planning and making healthier choices. When those feelings kick in, I look at my self-care list and keep myself busy. Journalling, reading, gaming (Animal crossing!) and take some time out for myself.  (click here to subscribe to receive my Self care box PDF)

Results and Restart

Last week I lost 3.5lbs. The same as three and a half guinea pigs!

This week has also been the start of our trying for a baby again episode. We’ve started the tracking, and half fingers crossed we have some luck. Not going into detail now, as I hope to share a bit more about that in another post soon.

In other news…I broke the law

I got stopped by the police…for social distancing incorrectly. Yep. Lockdown nearly gave me a criminal record. My best friend and I took a social walk up to Hubbard’s hills. The hottest day so far, it was beautiful and hot. I even made a paddling pool for the dog it was so hot out. Anyways, it was busy everywhere, coming up to 5pm we walked back towards town, took a detour back to the shop for ice lollies and really without thinking about it went and sat on a bench for a bit. This (although other people around us were doing the same) was wrong. A police car pulls up and basically shouts at us. What is it about ‘adults’ shouting at you that turns you back into a kid at school? What’s worse is a lady who we didn’t know decided to involve herself!

Becky and I were mortified by this lady! I can’t really remember what she was saying but it was on the lines of ‘you should be on duty and not chatting up these ladies!’ I honestly wanted to die. This officer was clearly in no mood for any of this and theoretically he should have fined us but luckily didn’t. This lady took the hint that he wasn’t in the mood, we weren’t entertaining her craziness and left. We took our telling off and retreated to my house at an acceptable distance, cannot wait to lockdown is over.

Officially living the thug life!

Step parenting woes

Being a parent in this situation is hard, but I believe being a stepparent is harder. As you all know from previous posts, my 7-year-old stepson Rowan lives with us fulltime after his birth mother ceased to care for him and gave him up. Since then she hasn’t bothered to stay in contact with her son since she got married and took her husbands’ children. (I know right) This was three years ago.  

Rowan since has settled into a new happier life but without its battles. He is a handful, with behaviour problems and a general pain in my butt. We’ve been through and come out of various things one day I’ll share) Although the little twit drives me insane, makes me cry, and question all life choices, he is my son (I’ve been in his life since he was two and brought him up since he moved in) and I will fight tooth and claw for him. He calls me mum; I call him son and that’s that.

Since lockdown, Rowan and I have had many clashes. I don’t know if it’s the situation, but I’m struggling with him. It makes the simplest of things a hundred times more difficult than they should be, like home schooling. I have no issue with helping him, teaching him or anything but when it comes to handwriting its like trying to keep ten thousand cats in a box. I’ve tried everything to make it fun, but it never works. He becomes stroppy and mardy and refuses to listen, then I get the little voice pipe up of his not really your kid, so why are you putting all this effort into him?

One answer for that. 1. No one else will.

See that’s the problem with being a stepparent. As much as they are, your children, you protect them, raise them, teach them, love them, there is always that tiny boundary and reminder that you are not their real parent and they not your real kid. Being in Lockdown, is a tough enough situation without all the other trails.

Worries

Due to our close relationship Rowan has also developed a bit of a jealous streak, I’ve noticed more and more this week. The attention seeking, when I’m on the phone to friends or family, hugging James, or just having some me time, he wants to and needs to be there too. He must be wrapped around me or talking to me or to be the centre of my world. It makes it so difficult to work, get things done or even think.

Its something we need to approach and talk to him about soon, I’m worried if we have a baby. I don’t want him to be pushed out. He knows I want to expand the family and not replace anyone (like his old mum- ex mum to Rowan) but he needs to know I cannot give him all the attention he gets now. I think it’s because his home at the time. And there’s no school. I will keep an eye on the behaviour as we enter the summer holidays and I should be able to see my niece and nephew again.

What are you doing?

What have you managed to get out of lockdown? Have you done something you’ve needed to do? Have you tried something new? Any new hobbies or interests? What have you done with your time? Leave a comment below would love toy here from you.

That’s enough waffle from me, hope you have another safe week at home!

Take care, stay safe

MJ xx

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